my heart...

...is heavy. Frustration is seeping in already now that I'm back at school.

First of all, there are so many people I don't know here now. It feels strange. But I'm okay with that. Glad actually. I don't want to be involved. I'm not interested in most social things anymore. I'm pretty much done with all of that, I think.

But other people aren't. And so that means that as I try to have real relationships with people instead of running all over the place being busy, they are doing just the opposite. This is difficult for me. Mostly because those things don't mean anything to me.

I've also begun to realize just how fake most people are. It's ridiculous. I've gotten to where I can see through most of that. I want to shake people out of it. Just force them to be real. But of course, I can't...and maybe it's stupid to even try to challenge people to be genuine. So far it's not going well, at least. Not well at all. It breaks my heart.

I don't really know what else to say. I can't really stand to be around people very much right now. I sit in my room and think, and wish that someone would spend time being real with me. Share some quality, genuine time.

How disappointing.