oh, buddy.

my thoughts have certainly been stirred up as of late. i am genuinely having trouble processing all these new ideas. but the challenge to my faith has been enjoyable, and i realize it's crucial to question beliefs that i have blindly held for so long....in my opinion, only good can come from all this thinking. in the end, i will hopefully have my own well-developed and sound viewpoints on some of this stuff. for now, i am searching.

lent began yesterday, and as i prayed about what i might give up during these 40 days the Lord revealed to me how i fill every bit of silence with music. i must admit, i am a little obsessed with music. so for lent, i am giving up listening to music in my car. instead i'm gonna try to spend that time talking to Jesus....and that has already proven to be a challenge. i spend a good deal of time in my car since i commute to school (30 mins each way) and also have to drive to jackson to go to work (which factors in another 30 mins or so). so in the two days of lent so far, i have realized that, sadly, i have little to say to God. i know that prayer is not all about me babbling at God, and that silence is significant for allowing God to speak to me. but i'm admitting that there have been times of awkward silence....which means our relationship isn't at all where i want it to be yet. also, it's hard to keep my mind focused on the Lord. once i quit praying aloud, i found my thoughts wandering every which way, which in a sense defeats the purpose. this is going to take some serious mental discipline.

the cool thing about lent this year is that it ends on easter, which just so happens to also be my birthday. so the day of celebration that completes the season of lent will be even more meaningful this year :)

i don't want to be a square. i want my mind to be free and open to new ideas, new thoughts, and people that are different from myself. i don't ever want to come across as arrogant, or self-righteous, or judgmental, or negative or rude. i want to be gracious and loving and kind and caring and interested in everyone, whether we agree or disagree.

and i think it's time to meet more people with whom i disagree. it's just time.