embers

that need to be blown on. that's what my heart has become here lately. the fire has died down, i have noticed it increasingly more over the past several days. i want the Lord to blow on my life and revive the fire that was burning there such a short time ago.

i know His breath comes from being near to Him. that's what i need to do. be near to Him.

being around others who love Him helps. i'm praying that the Lord sends people my way who are unexpectedly in love with Him....people that aren't churchy or religious, just head over heels crazy about Jesus. maybe people that i would never think of, but his precious ones that He loves. someone to challenge my thoughts about God, to shake and break and teach me....ya know?

i don't want to lose sight. i don't want to forget my first Love. i want it to always be an adventure, me and Him.

honestly, i've neglected. we haven't been close because i haven't let us be.

after all this, i still lack accountability. please, someone, make me be real with you. ask me how the Lord and i are doing and don't be satisfied until i tell you the truth...the deep truth, not just some answer i can give you to make you go away.

i need to be learning God's word, not just reading it. i need to be praying. fasting. there's so much this relationship needs that it's not getting, and it's not God's fault.

God, forgive me. and help me love you the way i should...the way i want to....the way you deserve. blow on the embers, Jesus, Holy Spirit fire fall into my heart and burn brilliantly. i don't want to settle for where i am...ever. i want to want more of you, Jesus. my life is so dull without you. so dull and desperate. Jesus, you're welcome here.


"but the harder i try the more clearly can i feel the depth of our fall and the weight of it all, and so this might could be the most impossible thing, your grandness in me, making me clean....you are holy, and i wanna be holy, like you, God..."