i think way too much

about way too many things. i'm surprised my head hasn't exploded by this point in my life. it gets me in trouble though....over-analysis, tearing apart and reconstructing every little word in my mind, playing it again and again. that can't be healthy. but i know i'm not the only one. and i can't help it, really. it would be nice to be able to simply exist. at least for a day or two. 

Christmas is over and i can't help but be happy. and soon enough i'll be going back to school and honestly, i'm happy with that too. at least at the dorm i have some level of stability and control over my own life. i never really know what to expect with my family. especially now. 

i'm trying not to close people out with this...especially j. i'm learning that i do that so much. i keep everything to myself. it frustrates me. i just can't open up the way i want to, the way i really need to.....

it'll get better, though.