"miss betsey, you look miserable,"

said one of my cheerleaders last night. that was because i decided it would be a good idea to run a couple of miles right before two hours of practice. worst idea ever. i'm sure she was right....i probably looked like i was undergoing torture. ha.

it's amazing that it's already wednesday. every week seems to be rolling by in similar fashion, no slowing down, just barreling past. less than three months til graduation? i don't believe it!

monday night was refreshing for my soul....hanging out with those two boys is always a joy and a comfort. i am so thankful for josh and jay :)

in fact, it turns out i have a LOT to be thankful for. so for that i say -- thank you, Lord!!

nope....nuns are way nicer.

so this valentine's day was full of unexpected surprises....my favorite of all having to be the beautiful yellow roses grace's daddy brought me. i love gary mayor. his thoughtfulness made my day...and yellow roses are my fave!

we also went to the rodeo....nuff said.

this weekend, upon reflecting on God's love, something finally made sense to me. God doesn't love because he's loving, he loves because He is love. love is the very essence of who he is, his very nature. he loves us because he can't help but love us....it was in his love that he created me. so in spite of all i may do that is undeserving of his love, and despite the fact that many times i wouldn't blame him if he were to stop loving me....he loves me. because HE IS LOVE. wow.

so, what do you do when someone turns out to be the opposite of everything they claim? sometimes, this happens and you really wish it hadn't been that way...cause when you finally quit being cynical and put your trust in someone again, it sucks to once again be disappointed.

i'm just losing my faith in humanity.

ya feel me?

sorry i'm so boring.

the ladies' day was beautiful. only about 7 or 8 ladies came....but i think they were just the ones who needed to be there. i'm really glad mom got to be there with me, too. i got to share the devotional - talked about romans 5:8 and God's unconditional love for us...that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. a lot of the ladies really opened up and shared, and i think it was a special time for everyone. it was so much fun to get to pamper these sweet women and really demonstrate our love, and the love of Christ, for them. sarah lancaster did the ladies' nails, and mary margaret and her friend sarah came and made journals with us. they are going to be transforming one of the upstairs apartments at the faith house into an art studio and teaching lessons for free downtown...and mary margaret wants me to come take some photos! i am really excited about helping her with that in the days to come :)

we picked out a paint color for my room. i think this is going to be a fun project for me and my mom. we've already been spending so much more time together since i've been home and i absolutely love it. we also went to bath junkie this evening (one of the greatest stores on earth, you customize your own bath products with the scent and color you want)....so of course i took a bath as soon as i got home, and it was divine. have i mentioned i love being home? cause i really do.

i hope my posts don't get boring now that i am writing more....but i have a feeling some of them will be.....i mean they are about my life....

i miss james. a lot.

reading time!!

snow day

was wonderful. a much needed respite. although after my sick day yesterday, this is adding up to be a 4-day weekend - monday's gonna be tough!

i'm reading they like Jesus but not the church for my ministry class, and it is truly challenging me. we actually only had to read certain chapters for our group projects, but i enjoyed what i was assigned so much that i went back to start from the very beginning. first of all, i've come to the sobering realization that i have very few friends outside the church, or the "Christian subculture" as kimball describes it. i've also realized that oftentimes i'm just plain selfish. self-centered. i don't want to be that way anymore. i need to slow down and take every opportunity to befriend folks along the way. this book has made me step back and say - whoah. it could be that i am part of the problem - and at first that really sucked to admit. but it's already been so liberating. i'm ready to make some changes...and dan kimball is giving me a good idea of what those changes might look like.

in other scholastic news, we had to do projects on different books of the pentateuch in my class on, you guessed it, the pentateuch. although i prayed against it, my group got assigned leviticus. i was shocked, however, when i found myself actually enjoying the research for the project....i truly learned a great deal (more than i even needed for the presentation!) and it feels good to finally have conquered the one book of the Bible that i never before cared to read. as callie (one of my group members) said, "you know, now i might actually read leviticus again sometime....before i die."

well, i am really enjoying being facebook-free. it has given me time to do other things - like write on this blog. which is probably equally trivial. but i feel this has a bit more purpose to it, perhaps. either way, not having facebook is great for me...i think i'm done forever.

on that note, this day needs to be done. early morning tomorrow -- we are having our ladies' luncheon for the homeless women downtown and i need to get things together for it beforehand. i pray that they experience God's deep love for them in a tangible way.

buenas noches, mis amigos...(si alguien esta leyendo?)

outside

the snowing is falling...it just started a bit ago. supposedly we're going to get 4-6 inches, but i'll believe it when i see it. i have been inside all day as i woke up this morning feeling extremely under the weather (and how sad to be under this weather!)....i am hoping that classes will indeed be cancelled, or at least that enough snow will fall to make it reasonable/excusable for me to not commute to campus. i made preparations for a long day inside by renting movies and getting milk (to go with the cookies i plan to bake, yeah yeah). even though i slept a ton today i think i'm about to do that some more.

i just have to say that it is really nice to be living at home again.

i have time to rest and room to breathe....it feels good.

sunday afternooon i am preparing to take my first sunday afternoon nap in 1 year and 8 months.....it's going to be glorious!! :) sunday will be sabbath once again. i love it.

for now, that is all....goodnight little world.

comforting words.

I know that You are for me, I know that You are for me

I know that You will never forsake me in my weakness

I know that You have come down,

even if to write upon my heart

to remind me who You are.

i want to be in love.

i want my heart to be completely and totally his. i want to be passionate and longing for him and none other. i want to be swept away in his arms.

but there is another. i gave my heart to him and together we broke it....and still it lies in shambles, limp within my chest, aching with each faint beat.

oh God, can you make it whole again? give me a new heart, one capable of loving you how i long to. i'm terrified in saying i've spent all this time serving you, yet i don't know who you are. but i do believe you are good, and your love endures forever. so please, put a little bit of that forever love in me. without you i have nothing to give you. with your help i give all. help me, Jesus. help me, please.

i think we're going somewhere, we're on to something good here. we're gonna make it after all.