sometimes you just have to

stand your ground. even if it means the other person walking away.

i truly hope that he doesn't. but i'm not changing my mind on this one.....i meant what i said. if it's not worth that to him then it isn't worth trying to hold onto.

it's out of my hands for now. maybe for always.





thank you God, for friends to laugh with. friends who listen and who believe in me, who are proud of me. friends who build me up and let me be who i am....and love me for just that. thank you for reminding me that i have those people right now. send more of them to me speedily....in Jesus' name, so be it.

school gets in the way

of me doing things that are really important. at least i think this sometimes. college has been great for me and helped me grow in a lot of ways. but it would be nice to be able to look forward to more time to just BE with people and LOVE them. it's going to be so tough to do when i am trying to study and write papers and all that nonsense. Lord, help me.

i love jackson. living downtown is one of the best things that's happened in my life. i have some great stories already....more on that soon!

today i had a breakthrough with one of the girls in my class at mission first. kiara is a tough cookie....it's been really hard for me to connect with her. we had a heart to heart in the hallway and the Lord asked me to pray for her before we went back in the classroom. when i said amen and looked up she had tears streaming down her face. i think her heart and mine both softened a little this afternoon. it was good, really good. :)

tonight we prayer walked and we stopped by carolyn's house. carolyn, whose name i thought was curly the first time we met because she was so drunk she couldn't talk. carolyn had a breakthrough today too....as miss amy prayed over her she began to cry. we told her that God loved her in spite of her mistakes, and she said, "i know. i just need to learn to love myself." wow. tomorrow i'm going back to visit her and her mom, berta mae, and take them some cookies. i am praying the visit goes well and that the Lord speaks through me to encourage them.

i need so much more of Jesus. i can't do anything for them without Him. fill me up, Father....

wow.

i have a lot to do to prepare myself to move to mexico. visas, mission agencies, support letters, working, school....many, many decisions. big decisions. i need lots of wisdom.

but it sure is exciting :) i can't help but smile when i think about it. mexico. me, in mexico.

it'll be here sooner than i know.

I'm called

to Mexico. I'm sure of it. I fully expect that this time next year I'll either be there or be heading there shortly.

Just wanted to get that out in the open. Thank you God, for answering my prayers and giving me clarity.....I am so glad to KNOW :) I can't wait, Jesus!! Mexico is amazing, thank you for giving it to me.

Now I just need to find myself either A) a man who loves Mexico the way I do or B) a Mexican husband....

I think I'll take option B.

this place

is so beautiful. because the people are beautiful. i say that everywhere i go, because everywhere i go it's true. and i could live here. also true everywhere i've been. truly true.

so i've decided something. it's time. the rubber meets the road here. when i get home, it needs to be all or nothing. and it's not going to be nothing.

i've been thinking a lot about all the people who live in the neighborhoods near me. they don't know Jesus. and this summer i have lots of free time. i work until noon every day, and every afternoon there's time. time to go to them. to talk to them. to love them and to spend with them. i'm gonna do it. and how easy is it? they're right there, there's no language barrier...true, there are lots of differences, and maybe i can't relate to everything they experience, but....i love them. i do. because He loved me first, and He loves them most.

these are my thoughts these two weeks here. wow. two weeks already. i don't want to say adios.

mexico

is 15 or so hours away. i have no idea what's in store for me there, but i am looking forward to whatever it is :) 

i kind of feel like i'm abandoning everyone in jackson, though. mario told me today that since i'm going to be gone three weeks, he would be too. hm...that made me smile. i love those people, man. i really do. they're becoming more than neighbors. they're my friends. i will miss them while i'm gone. 

and it will keep getting better. 

i need to bathe. shalom to all and hopefully i'll get to write on this thing while i'm gone...if not there shall be post-trip reflections for sure. 

when it's all said and done, only three will remain: faith, hope, and love. so give me some of those. 

domestication

is taking place in my life right now. i potted a plant yesterday. and washed and folded clothes, changed sheets, did dishes....and i enjoyed it. what is the meaning of all this?

on a spiritual note, i feel overwhelmed. i need more time with Jesus. living down here is draining, not to mention the fact that mercy is my primary gift so everything gets me....i need discernment. i need grace and patience. i need more love. i need a lot of things that i can only find in Him.



in need of grace, in need of love
in need of mercy raining down from high above
in need of strength, in need of peace
in need of things that only you can give to me
in need of Christ, the perfect Lamb
my refuge strong, the great I AM
this is my song, it's my humble plea
cause I am your child, and I am in need.