s.o.s.

i know that you said
when i am weak you're strong
but i'm so tired of being weak
i know that you said
when i mourn you will comfort
but i'm ready to dance again

that last one was so dark...

...and i wasn't even feeling that way. i need to write something new, it's time. it's time for many new things, and there's really no need to be scared. i trust you, God.


heart healer
i place all of mine
in the only hands
that can hold it how it needs.
don't let go.
and i promise
i won't take it back this time.
amen.

a poem.

nighttime is your best escape.

darkness masks dark circles 

from too many hours awake. 

close your eyes tight and pray that you don't dream.

no need for reminders

of unattainable things. 

maybe tonight your heart will slow and cease.

a heart can't ache if it can't even beat.

fell in love in mexico

what an amazing trip. i never imagined that it would be so beautiful. i'm counting the days until i can return (hopefully only 49!) and working on my spanish....i think maybe this is it. this is the place God wants me to be?! it's hard to say but it's certainly a very real possibility.

i miss it...everything about it. especially the people. there's something very special and dear to my heart there. i want to call it my home.

big enough

i question are you big enough, and i wonder are you strong enough
to help me even stand
and i wish i had more faith in you
even though i know what you've brought me through
i want to understand
where we're going with this plan.....

(thank you casey combest)

disappointing people

is something i've always been overly concerned about. just when i think i have it conquered, i realize how much i'm still doing for the approval of others, and how hard it is for me to let things go sometimes, not because i love doing them but because i don't want to feel like i've let anyone down.

it's time to let go. again.

no worries

because God always works out all the details. you'd think i'd have this completely figured out by now.

my name was one of 40, out of 120 girls, chosen yesterday to live off campus next year. this is confirmation that the Lord really does want me to continue making steps towards moving into the Faith House downtown and interning with the Lancasters. i am excited, but now as it's becoming definite i've realized what kind of changes this may mean for my life. some i am really happy with, others are going to be a little harder to swallow....such as changes in relationships. a lot of uncertainty has been in my mind lately. but God holds all the answers so i need to be leaning on Him. as i've said before, i need to pray more - especially cause i sure could use some guidance right now.

i feel like the world is completely open to me as i serve the Lord. i can go anywhere He calls me, and He could call me ANYWHERE. what incredible freedom and potential adventure when i walk with Him....

i'm considering lots of options for my several weeks off work this summer. the ukraine, africa, mexico, california - all are appealing to me. maybe i'll even be doing something i haven't thought of yet. we will see.

only time will tell....with all of it.